


A Bar At The End Of A Universe (the one with the cranky bartender)

by shopfront



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drinking, F/F, Gen, Slice of Life, Walk Into A Bar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-12-22 03:14:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11958531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shopfront/pseuds/shopfront
Summary: The road to a happy ending always comes with a few minor bumps along the way. Clara and Bill meet in a bar, get drunk, and talk about girls, while they work out the best way around theirs. (Post-Hell Bent and The Doctor Falls)





	A Bar At The End Of A Universe (the one with the cranky bartender)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [triplesalto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplesalto/gifts).



> Thank you to navaan for the beta, any remaining mistakes are entirely my own!

“You look rather how I feel,” said a friendly voice in Bill’s ear.

“Whatever you want, I’m not interested,” she moaned. There was a chuckle, but she refused to open her eyes or lift her head from where it was rather comfortably cushioned against her folded arms on top of the bar.

“Oh, now, don’t be like that,” came the voice again, young and lilting and decidedly female. Which was rather a nice change from the leering male voices and occasional unidentifiable alien ones that Bill had also been pointedly ignoring all evening.

She furrowed her brow, and silently considered maybe re-engaging with the world. Just for a little while.

“I mean, you could sulk all night if you really want to. It’s not exactly going to get in the way of me sitting right here and drinking alone like I’d planned,” the voice continued before she could decide, sounding more amused by the second. “But I imagine there must have been a reason why you chose to park yourself at the bar, in the middle of a crowded room, and being left entirely alone doesn’t seem like a likely explanation.”

Bill groaned. “The room wasn’t crowded when I sat down,” she grumbled.

There was a pause. “So you’ve been here awhile then, I take it?”

“Girl trouble,” came another voice above Bill’s head that she was unfortunately much more familiar with, just as she was familiar now with the disapproval ringing through it. “What can I get you?” 

* 

“I’m not human anymore but I still feel human and I like her, a lot,” Bill said with a sigh. “I do. Really a lot. I like her so much that it scares me a little sometimes really, and I mean, you’d think I’d be pretty immune to being scared at this point.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Clara asked, grinning. “It sounds like you’re perfect for each other to me.”

“It doesn’t seem like it can work if we go straight from ‘hello I flirted with you in a club before an alien substance transformed you’ to us literally being the only two people like us that we know so hey let’s spend an immortal eternity together. You know? That’s a bit fast, and I really want it to work. _Really,_ really want it to.”

Clara laughed, murmured “oh, you have no idea how familiar that is” to herself, and flagged down the bartender to order two more Setting Supernovas.

Bill tilted her head. “Oh?” she asked, peering at Clara for a moment and then smiling. “You know, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something about you… it feels familiar. Where are you from again?”

“Oh, here and there. It depends on who you ask,” Clara said, accepting their drinks and handing one to Bill before clinking them together. The drinks shimmered at the sound and then burst upwards into tiny burning balls that hovered just above the rim of the glass, before shimmering once more and collapsing: Clara’s back into her glass, and Bill’s half across her hand and the top of the bar when she startled at the very tiny boom it made.

“That didn’t happen before,” Bill said slowly.

A few feet away the bartender was pulling out a rag and glaring at Bill.

Clara chuckled. “I was the only one drinking before, and they don’t spark up like that without company. They do take a little getting used to,” she conceded sheepishly. “I probably should have warned you, but there’s nothing quite like your first supernova. Try it!”

“That just exploded,” Bill said, still staring at her glass looking half stunned and half amazed. “You just gave me an exploding drink, and you expect me to put it in my stomach? Seriously?”

Shrugging, Clara took a sip of her own. “Suit yourself,” she said, “but it’s perfectly safe. Kind of. Either way, life’s short, and I promise you that this cocktail is absolutely worth it.”

Bill just stared at her in a decidedly unimpressed manner.

“Anyway. You were telling about the pretty kind-of-alien kind-of-human love of your life…,” Clara reminded her, leaning in eagerly.

*

“Then I made this friend. Older guy, bit of a professor type, who showed me around-“

Clara made a thoughtful noise.

“-And, anyway, some stuff happened, I died, long story, things weren’t great. But then Heather came back into my life and I said goodbye to the-“

“Doctor.”

“-Doctor, yeah, and then. Wait,” Bill said, brow furrowed. “You just. Do you? Did you? You know the Doctor? I’m finally starting to get the hang of this navigating business, and I am reasonably sure that we are absolutely nowhere even vaguely near Earth, but you’re telling me that you know the Doctor?”

Clara gave a tinkling laugh. “You’d probably be surprised how many people do,” was all she said.

Bill’s mouth opened and shut wordlessly, and then she spread her hands wide and made an inarticulate noise.

“That’s not an answer!” she finally choked out.

“The actual answer is definitely a two, no, maybe a three supernova question,” Clara said, looking pointedly at Bill’s still untouched, half empty cocktail glass.

“Right,” Bill said, shaking herself a little and turning towards the glass with purpose. “I suppose I’ve done stupider things because the Doctor is involved. Only, do you by any chance know what’s in this? I have somewhat unusual biology these days. I mean. Granted, I have no idea what I might react badly to now, but at least attempting to make an informed decision will give me the illusion of comfort.”

Clara raised her eyebrows and opened her mouth, looking concerned, but before she could say anything Bill was muttering ‘oh what the hell’ and throwing back the remains of her drink.

“Oh,” she said quietly a moment later. “That’s… fizzy.”

“No adverse effects?” Clara asked cautiously, eyebrows still raised and a hand pressed to her mouth as she watched Bill closely.

Bill looked thoughtful for a moment. “I don’t think so. But, yeah, fizzy. With a side ‘boom.’”

Clara released a deep breath, and raised her hand to flag the bartender. “Well then,” she said, visibly gathering herself, “if I haven’t accidentally killed you with drink recommendations yet, how about another?”

*

 “You’re kidding me, right?” Bill asked, grabbing Clara by the shoulders and shaking her a little. “Tell me you’re kidding me.”

“Nope,” Clara said with satisfaction, swaying closer to the bar and fumbling for her drink. “She kissed me right there in the middle of everything. Things are exploding around us, people are still fighting, it’s all gone to hell in a handbasket and there’s Me. Grabbing me and kissing me.”

Bill waited with baited breath for more, and then gave Clara a little shove when she got distracted by her drink and didn’t continue.

“What happened? What did you do?”

“Then we hightailed it out of there and she had to go keep an appointment with some old friends, so I came here to think. And to drink. And I have definitely been drinking.”

“… And?!”

“And what?”

Bill made an impatient shrieking noise in the back of her throat. “And what are you going to do?”

“Kiss her back when she gets here, I suppose,” Clara said thoughtfully. “What do you think I should do? Last time I was in love with someone I got a bit self-destructive and ended up dead, so….”

Bill blinked. “I… don’t know quite what to say to that, but the last time I crushed I ended up dead, too, so I suppose I’m not really one to judge. Is that something most people who meet the Doctor end up doing? Dying and then… not?”

Clara shrugged. “Some of them. Not enough of them. You should ask Me.”

“I am asking you.”

“No. Me. My Me. The one who kissed me, you should ask her.”

Bill finished her drink and then stared mournfully in the bottom of the glass. “That must get confusing.”

“You have no idea,” Clara muttered.

“Okay, so you’re going to kiss Me, which means we’ve fixed _your_ girl problem-“

“About time,” muttered the bartender, tentacles wiping out glasses with a fresh rag while he glared at them and mixed new supernovas with his hands.

“-so what am I going to do about mine?”

Clara gazed into Bill’s eyes. “I don’t know. I think I need to meet your Heather. You don’t know if it’s too soon to commit, but I don’t know what you’re committing to, so I should meet her. Then I can form a proper opinion. Oh! We could have dinner!”

“Just the three of us?” Bill asked, wrinkling her nose.

“No, no, with Me-”

“… Still confusing.”

“Like a date. A double date. An ex-companion double dinner date. It’s perfect.”

“Is it?” Bill asked, still grimacing.

Clara nodded enthusiastically. “We can come back here, to our favourite bar. I think they do snacks.”

The bartender swore rather viciously in the background.

“I guess,” Bill said slowly. “Or we stumbled across this floating restaurant once that orbits a frozen star and serves stardust. That was kinda cool. I mean, stardust might not be very filling for you guys so maybe not but-“

“Sounds wonderful,” Clara said earnestly, stumbling to her feet. “I’m parked round back, you should give me directions before Me gets here so we can check it out and make a decision.”

“Um,” Bill said, wobbling to her feet as well but markedly more slowly. “Okay, but, are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

“Oh, she drives herself!” Clara tossed over her shoulder, already halfway to the exit. “Kind of. It’ll be fine!”


End file.
